Some Background

I know that I have an about me, but thats supposed to be short and sweet.  My name is Randi, I just turned 28 years old, I live in Ohio with my fiance Justin, and we are getting married in April of 2018 – which is a little over a year away.  He’s the reason I’m the happiest I’ve ever been, and he loves me despite the fact that I’m the biggest I’ve ever been.

That fact doesn’t just creep into my thoughts every so often.  Its the other thoughts creep in to that overwhelming fact more often than not.  I’ve been a big girl my whole life…but this is different.

Got a call from my doctor yesterday stating that ALL of my levels were high.  I’m at a severe risk for diabetes.  Oh, and at 346.2lbs that is not surprising at all.  I’ve known and ignored that I’m unhealthy for long enough.  I can’t keep doing it.  There is not a vapid reason for this sudden directional change.  The wedding dress has already been bought, size 26, and I don’t believe for any fractional amount of time that I’ll ever be skinny.  My main concern, wish, dream, goal, is to be healthy.

I’d like to walk and my ankles and knees not hurt under the extreme weight and pressure my own body puts on itself.  I’d like to look in the mirror and not see excess facial hair due to my morbid obesity.  I’d like to not have back problems.  I’d actually love to have a period again.  I’d love to know if I wanted to, I could have a baby, instead of just looking like I am pregnant all the time.

I’d like to look back, and not be traumatized by being made fun of as a child, teen, and adult for my size.  I’d like to not stress eat, bored eat, or celebration eat and just be one of those “eat when you’re hungry” people.

There are a lot of things I’d like.  Too many to name…but I’m the master of my own fate, I make my own luck, and other cliches. I’m the only one who can change it.  And I’m determined to.

hating myself

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s