Starting Again

I’m always embarassed to write these ones.  The ones after I gave up and have decided to start again, bigger than I was before.  At least its only been two months…I’ve gone longer in the past.

Any way…a lot has happened since I last wrote.  I was hospitalized for pneumonia and RSV, something that was exacerbated by my underlying lung condition (PAP), making me feel the worst I’ve ever felt.  While in the hospital, it was found that I am literally a tenth of a point away from getting diabetes and I have fatty liver disease.  What does this mean?  I am now supposed to eat a no fat, no sugar, low carb diet in order to lose weight.

Something strange happened though.  This time, while I was in the doctor’s office for follow ups, he said I have to lose 2 pounds per month.  My first thought, was “okay, you can do this. In fact, you can do more than that.”  Its the first time I’ve believed in myself for a long time.  It felt good.

So I looked up no fats, already knowing to just avoid processed foods and sugars, and am going to count carbs more closely.

For so long, any diet has felt like a death sentence.  Oh, I have to give up this or that, its the end of the world.  The truth is, I have to adapt to a new way of eating/living.  I have to be healthy.  If I don’t, I will die.  Maybe not today or next month or even next year, but a lot sooner than I would have if I weren’t so fucking big.


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