June 11, 2017

So the past two weeks have been a struggle…we are very low on money, so much so that I am looking for a second job, and I haven’t had the opportunity to be picky with what I eat.  I’m still doing what I feel is a good job though, staying away from certain foods and trying to follow my diet.  And its paid off. I am down 5 lbs, and I fit into a dress I bought last summer that I didn’t fit into then.  Needless to say, I am thrilled.

One thing has been bothering me, however, and that is my feet/ankles.  Despite losing weight, I’m still 348lbs and that is a lot for my feet to carry, so they hurt.  This makes me not want to walk and remain sedentary.  But I will not.  I will continue this journey.

Whats different this time around is I have no choice in the matter – I’m looking at it as though I am sick (which isn’t hard cause I feel sick several times a day, every day).  I am doing what I can to cure my sickness.  That includes walking, swimming, dieting, etc.

I believe a second job will help.  Right now, I work from home and sit on my ass all day processing claims.  I’m looking for part time retail jobs that will require me to stay on my feet and walk around all of the shift.  I think that will go a long way in helping me break through from a sedentary lifestyle to a more active one.  Despite feeling it will help, I still am incredibly sad and conflicted because I feel I shouldn’t need to work two jobs to make ends meet.  It depresses me that I’m back where I was ten years ago, except one of the jobs I’m working should be enough based on my salary.  Life is just too expensive.

The thing is, I’d like to be able to afford more than hot dogs and baked beans, or as my dad calls them “poor people food”, and be able to afford fruits and vegetables in spades.  I don’t want to keep robbing Peter to pay Paul.  I’m sick of this bullshit.  So a second job it is.

May 26, 2017

As per my previous post, this is starting again.

I’m doing fairly well since my doctor’s appointment on Tuesday.  Financial set backs have made it harder to buy all the fruits and vegetables I’d like, but there is enough on hand for me to get by.

For today, I am happy.  I am with the man I love, and he supports all I do.  He loves me despite the fact that I am the biggest I have ever been and in the worst condition I have ever been.  He calls me beautiful everyday, despite the fact that my size and condition of my body has left me with skin problems, excess facial hair, and of  course, extreme weight gain.  He is truly my rock.

I’m hoping his support never waivers, and I don’t think it will.  It means the world to me that he chose to ask me to marry him even when I am like this.  The fact that I didn’t have to get skinny to find true love is what makes me believe I can lose the weight in the first place- like even fat girls deserve to get what they want.

April 10, 2017

Well, it wasn’t too long before I realized that my diet wasn’t going to go as well as I thought.  I got to lunch yesterday before coming to the conclusion that this “egg diet” is not at all healthy or beneficial for someone of my size.  As much as I’d like to lose 25 lbs in ten days – which I don’t see actually happening even with following this diet – I can’t deprive myself and starve.

So, I’ve revised.  I’m gonna count calories and restrict sodium, just like the doctor said.  I’m also gonna try to cut out the carbs – with the exception of white rice, because I just love it.  So day one took a turn but day two has gone well enough.  It was the first day that I had to work while doing this, and I didn’t snack or anything so I’d say it was a success.

Now, I have had takeout two days in a row – but I’ve made healthy choices at both places and I’m pretty proud of that.

I’m also not going to weigh myself every day – cause I’ve learned from experience that that is just gonna drive me crazy.  Although I’d like to see progress and everything, I know its not going to be immediately or daily.  This is a process.  A long process.  So here’s to the journey.

April 9, 2017

Today is day 1.  I’m not optimistic or excited in any way though, because this is my five-hundredth day one in my life.  I’ve been dieting since I was 13 years old, so there is no way that I’m getting my hopes up this time.  And it is hard to be positive and believe that today’s day 1 will be any different than last times, or the time before that.  But here I am…again.

I don’t know how I keep getting myself into this situation, but I will admit that this time is different than the past day ones.  Today, I am dieting, exercising, and changing my whole life in order to save it.  I’m the biggest that I’ve ever been.  I’m also the happiest that I have ever been.  Perhaps that will be all the difference.Egg Diet Image

This is my first attempt.  I plan on making modifications.  It is supposedly enabling you to lose 25lbs in 10 days, which doesn’t sound accurate or healthy to me, but I am desperate.  In fact, I’ve never been so desperate.

Wish me luck.